Sometimes I feel so high, I can touch the stars. Other times I'm groveling in the dirt. This past weekend I sunk so deep into the abyss, I felt I would never be able to crawl back out again.
My mother and I went to a hotel on Friday to see if it would be healthy for us to stay at while we're working out our living situation. She had been there earlier in the week and thought it smelled perfectly safe. I walked in and smelled mildew immediately. Such is the case when mother and daughter have different immune systems. We're each sensitive to different things.
We drove home, and I slipped into hopelessness more with every mile. I just wanted some stability. I wanted to know where we'd be staying and no longer have to worry about it. I sat in the car crying for ten minutes because I felt so hopeless.
When we retrieved the mail later in the day, we found my testing results, which I'd been waiting for months to receive, had finally come.
I passed; I am officially a high school graduate.
When we retrieved the mail later in the day, we found my testing results, which I'd been waiting for months to receive, had finally come.
I passed; I am officially a high school graduate.
I slid down against the kitchen door and cried into the crook of my arm. The relief was overwhelming. Hope came back to me, but that hope was short in its stay.
The next day, I began to slip into despair again. By Sunday, a rusting iron rod had lodged in my chest. I haven't felt so exhausted in every aspect of my life; emotionally, physically, spiritually; since I recovered about a year ago from a six month spell of depression. All I wanted to do was curl up under the covers and avoid ever using my mind or body again.
I caved into my lethargy. I didn't write. I didn't complete any schoolwork. I just refreshed Twitter all day. The stupor continued on into Monday and Tuesday.
On Tuesday night, my mom and I talked in my room, and I began to tap into some of what was bringing me down. I had been suppressing some significant frustration for several weeks. Along with the frustration came loneliness. The stress from the instability of my situation topped it all off to create a perfect potion of depression.
I caved into my lethargy. I didn't write. I didn't complete any schoolwork. I just refreshed Twitter all day. The stupor continued on into Monday and Tuesday.
On Tuesday night, my mom and I talked in my room, and I began to tap into some of what was bringing me down. I had been suppressing some significant frustration for several weeks. Along with the frustration came loneliness. The stress from the instability of my situation topped it all off to create a perfect potion of depression.
In that conversation, she said many truly beautiful things, but there's one that shines brightest.
Even if we're in the darkest of valleys, praise the Lord.
She went to bed, leaving me with to absorb that thought.
I grabbed my iPod and headphones. As I descended down the stairs, I hit shuffle on my "Worship" playlist. I sang along and danced around the living, slowing growing more liberated and joyful. When the last song concluded, I didn't feel as free as a bird soaring through the clouds, but I stood on solid ground at the edge of the pit.
I grabbed my iPod and headphones. As I descended down the stairs, I hit shuffle on my "Worship" playlist. I sang along and danced around the living, slowing growing more liberated and joyful. When the last song concluded, I didn't feel as free as a bird soaring through the clouds, but I stood on solid ground at the edge of the pit.
Yesterday, I was unsteady. If I wasn't careful, I could have slipped back into the bog, but I was free to stroll into the sunlight.
Today, I walk the path the Lord's set before me, singing praises to my Savior Jesus Christ.
Today, I walk the path the Lord's set before me, singing praises to my Savior Jesus Christ.
This rescued traveler,
Janelle
1 comment:
That's beautiful. Keep growing and learning and reaching for that stable rock. You are showered with prayers <3
Hailey
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