03/14/13
To my reader,Yet again I wander downstairs after tossing miserably in bed. The light thankfully doesn't hurt too much, but thinking and moving do. I just want to roll over and call it a day, but the day's not even half over, not even a quarter over. It's just beginning.
I have a headache. It isn't a full blown migraine, and I thank God for that, but I feel more useless than wet socks.
I want to finish the week's schoolwork so Mom and I can go out and get a sewing machine. Yesterday, we bought fabric and a pattern, and I'm aching to get started on the dress. But it's the aching that prevents me from doing just that.
Only three simple things I want to do today: an assessment, buy and become a sewing machine, and write. These three simple things feel more like three miles instead of three steps.
I wonder if I should push through the exhaustion. If I do, maybe I'll find the reserve of energy I need. If I do, I might drain everything I have and find more exhaustion tomorrow.
I've been doing this a lot lately. Pushing past my limits because I know what it's like to feel healthy and I want to remain feeling healthy. I used to take it slow, one step at a time, and in my darkest of days, I do. But I forget when I'm on the edge of clarity and oblivion.
Maybe it's possible to accomplish all I want today and still take it slow. Maybe it's not "either, or": completing all of it in one leap, or going no where at all. Maybe it's "one, done," "two, through," "three, finished...finally."
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." Lamp light doesn't illuminate the way miles ahead of you. It shows the few steps before you. When you take one, it lights another.
Perhaps that is what God's trying to show me today. Don't jump ahead of myself or Him. Just take the steps He's lighted before me.
This weary hiker,
Janelle
2 comments:
God doesn't give us strength for tomorrow, He gives it to us for today. "Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, blessings all mine and 10 thousand besides." But it's taking advantage of the daily mercies that help give us strength for the ones to come. :)
Sweet Niece,
I know you wrote this a while ago, but it perfectly describes my day today.
Today was my first day at physical therapy, post-broken wrist. The therapist kindly put a pillow behind my back when I asked her to do so. Hmmm...feels like a bit much, but I didn't speak up.
Here I am hours later,with heating pad on, walking like Old Mother Hubbard, and canceling the plans I had for tonight. A bummer. But your words encouraged me! Thank you, Sweet Niece!
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